The Secretary's Secret Page 8

  Because if he didn’t, once she received the al clear from her doctor tomorrow he may wel find himself very politely thanked and very firmly asked to leave. And who’d make sure she had everything she needed then?

  Kit woke early on Thursday morning. She tried to go back to sleep but the nerves leaping and jumping in her stomach wouldn’t let her.

  Today she’d have her scan. Today she’d find out if her baby was okay.

  A tap sounded on her bedroom door and Alex’s head poked around its corner. How did he always know when she was awake?

  ‘Good morning.’

  She swal owed. He looked fresh and alert and good enough to eat. She pushed up against the pil ows, dragged her hands back over her hair, tried to smooth it. ‘Morning.’

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Fine.’ Physical y in herself, she was. She felt as if she’d never been sick in the first place.

  But what if her high temperature had harmed her baby? What then? She knew worrying about that would do her no good, but not worrying was impossible.

  Alex’s eyes narrowed. ‘Breakfast?’

  She shook her head. She doubted she’d be able to keep anything down. ‘A cup of something hot and herbal would be great, though.’ Despite what the doctor had said, she’d given up caffeine the day she’d found out she was pregnant. She’d wanted to give her baby every chance.

  Alex appeared with two mugs of…lemongrass tea. The fragrance made her stomach loosen a fraction. She accepted her mug with a lift of the lips that she hoped would pass for a smile. ‘You do know that I don’t mind if you drink coffee, don’t you? You don’t need to abstain just because I am.’

  ‘It doesn’t seem fair to drink it when you can’t.

  Besides, this lemon stuff is halfway decent.’ His nose wrinkled. ‘But you can keep that chamomile nonsense to yourself.’

  She found herself chuckling, even amidst al the anxiety swirling through her.

  ‘Nervous, huh?’

  She didn’t know how he’d sensed it. She’d thought she’d done a good job at covering it up. It seemed pointless trying to deny it, though. ‘A little.’

  He surveyed her for a moment, set his mug on the floor and then leaned towards her. ‘Your temperature came down very quickly, Kit. You’ve had lots of rest, good food and medicine. You’re young, strong and the picture of health again. There’s no reason to believe that your baby isn’t strong and healthy too.’

  She nodded. She knew he was right.

  ‘But?’ he said softly.

  She set her mug on the bedside table as her stomach clenched up again. ‘Do you believe in fate, Alex?’

  ‘Not real y.’

  He didn’t pick his mug up again. He remained with elbows on knees, his ful attention focused on her. For a moment it made her feel spotlighted—at the centre of his world. She shook herself.

  ‘Why?’ he asked.

  She swal owed again, found her fingers had started pleating and unpleating the quilt. She gripped them together to stil them. ‘Maybe I’m not fated to be a mother. I didn’t realize I was pregnant for three whole months. I drank caffeine and the occasional glass of wine, and…and I didn’t do stuff that I would’ve done had I known.’

  He frowned. ‘Kit, you’re going to be just fine.’

  ‘Fine?’ Her voice rose. ‘How on earth can you say that? On Monday I didn’t even realize I was sick!

  Honestly, Alex, what does that say about me and the kind of mother I’m going to make?’ Her heart ached.

  She pressed her palms to her eyes for a moment before dragging them back into her lap. ‘It doesn’t before dragging them back into her lap. ‘It doesn’t reflect very wel on me, does it? For heaven’s sake, I don’t even know how to change a nappy! Maybe…’

  She gulped. ‘Maybe I’m not meant to be a mother.’

  ‘What the hel …? No!’

  Alex jumped up, knocking over his mug in the process. With a swift curse he tore off his T-shirt and used it to mop up the spil .

  As a broad expanse of naked flesh met her gaze, Kit’s eyes went wide. She could feel them getting bigger and bigger as the space in her lungs for air became progressively smal er and smal er. Her thought processes slammed to a halt. Alex’s shoulders and chest and the sculpted line of his back

  —tanned, muscled and toned—al beckoned to her.

  She knew from experience how firm his skin would be to the touch. And how warm.

  Her pulse skittered and skipped and skated through her veins.

  ‘Didn’t want the rug to stain,’ he said, his voice gruff as he glanced up at her.

  She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, felt an answering tug in her womb as he rose to his feet and stood before her in al his half-naked glory. She remembered another time… Her stomach, her lips, her limbs softened.

  Oh, dear Lord! She tried to catch her breath. ‘I…

  um… You didn’t need to ruin your shirt in the process.’

  He lifted one powerful shoulder as he sat again, the T-shirt hanging negligently from his hands. ‘I’l throw it in the wash later. It’l be fine.’

  The muscular definition of his biceps and the sinewy strength of his forearms had her melting against the bedclothes. He was so tanned. Had he worked beneath a hot African sun without his shirt?

  ‘You’re going to be a great mother, Kit.’

  That dragged her attention back. His eyes had darkened to coal and they stared at her intensely as if by their very force they could compel her to believe his words.

  ‘What makes you so sure?’ she whispered. She wanted to believe him—desperately—but…

  ‘Look at how much effort you’re going to in order to provide your baby with the best life you can.

  You’ve moved back to this place that you love because you think it’s a good place to raise your child. You’ve bought a house and you’re getting it ready for your baby’s arrival. You’re surrounding your baby with a community of people who wil love it almost as much as you wil .’

  She bit her lip.

  ‘Kit?’

  She glanced up into those coal-dark eyes again.

  ‘You love your baby. That’s more important than knowing how to change a nappy or abstaining from caffeine or…or anything! You want to be a mother, right?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Then you’re going to be just fine. You’l learn al the things you need to know about being a mum along the way. You have your family and friends and your baby books to help you. You’l probably make the odd mistake because you’re human like the rest of us, but it won’t mean you love your baby any less and it won’t make you a bad person. It certainly won’t make you a bad mother.’

  She blinked, considered his words, and then sent him a shaky smile. ‘You’re right. Thank you. I’m sorry, I just panicked for a bit.’

  ‘Nothing to apologise for.’

  He leaned back in his seat. It highlighted the flatness of his stomach and the way the muscles there coiled and flexed beneath his skin. Her gaze drifted downwards and she noted how the waistband of his jeans sat low on his hips. Her mouth and throat went dry.

  ‘There’s something I’d like to discuss with you, Kit.

  I was going to wait until after your doctor’s appointment, but that’s stil hours away.’

  She sensed that he wanted to distract her from brooding on her worries about her baby’s health.

  She started to lift her eyes, wanted to thank him again for easing her fears, but his chest and shoulders proved more of a distraction than his words. His chest started to rise and fal with a rhythm that matched hers. Her fingers clenched in the quilt.

  A pulse pounded at the base of his throat. Firm, lean lips opened. Heat swirled through her.

  That magnificent body leapt up. Kit’s breath caught and she started to lean towards him—

  ‘I’l be back in a moment.’

  The words—hoarse with need—scraped out of his throat and caressed al the hairs on her arms i
nto lifting as if in surrender. He surged out of her room, the muscles in his back rippling, and Kit melted back the muscles in his back rippling, and Kit melted back into her pil ows, her mind too fuzzed to work.

  He returned a moment later, dragging another shirt on over his head.

  Heat of an entirely different variety burned her cheeks, her face, her throat then. She wanted to cover her head with the bedclothes. Instead she buried her face in her lukewarm mug of tea while Alex opened the bedroom window wider to let in the cool morning air and then busied himself with her CD player. Sounds of the Sea filtered into the room.

  He kept his back to her and she wondered if he was having as much trouble getting himself under control as she was.

  Eventual y she managed to clear her throat. ‘You wanted to talk to me about something?’

  He turned then, moved his chair another foot or so away from her bed. If he kept doing that he’d end up in the bathroom.

  He sat. ‘That’s right, I did.’

  ‘Wel ?’ she prompted when he didn’t continue.

  ‘Kit, do you have a job lined up yet?’

  She stared. A job? And then she rol ed her eyes.

  ‘You don’t need to worry about my finances. I had a very nice nest egg squirreled away before I left Sydney.’

  ‘Enough to cover expensive repairs on your house?’

  She bit her lip and glanced away. She could get a bank loan.

  When you don’t have a job. Ha! Fat chance.

  Her stomach clenched and her pulse started to race. She’d better start job-hunting asap because she needed the house ready for when the baby came. She glanced back at Alex. She’d failed in providing her baby with a father. She couldn’t fail on this too. Alex had calmed her fears about her ability to be a good mother, but to prove she could be a good parent she had to get this house, and her life, on track fast. Finding a job was the first place to start.

  ‘Kit, I want to barter an exchange of labour with you.’

  ‘A…’ She stil ed. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I think it would be to both our benefits.’

  An exchange of labour?

  ‘I’d real y like you to finish that book project for McBride’s.’

  ‘Alex—’ she lifted her hands and then let them drop again ‘—there are any number of people at Hal am Enterprises more than capable of finishing that project. Didn’t you read my report?’

  ‘It was your passion that had that book offer tabled to us in the first place. It was your passion that sold me on the deal. It’s your passion that wil make it a success.’

  ‘Your name on the cover wil do that—your experience, your expertise.’

  ‘I can’t write the thing, though. You’re the one who translates al that so-cal ed experience and expertise into a compel ing, readable account. That’s where your expertise lies. We make a good team, Kit.’

  She stil ed at his words. A team—her and Alex?

  ‘I want you to finish overseeing the work on the book because you are the best person for the job.

  With an Internet connection here you can work remotely. You won’t need to go into the office.’

  ‘You said a barter of labour. What wil you be doing?’

  ‘Fixing your house.’

  Her jaw dropped. ‘Alex, you’ve just returned from a month abroad. You can’t afford to take more time off work.’

  His chin tilted at an arrogant angle. ‘It’s my company. I can do what I want. Besides, Donald has everything under control in the Sydney office.’ He shrugged and the arrogance vanished behind the beginnings of a smile. A wry smile admittedly, but potent for al that. ‘He’s doing a good job and I am only a phone cal away if there’s an emergency.’

  ‘But…’ Her mind wouldn’t work.

  ‘I’l fix the hole in your roof and the hole in your wal . I’l repoint the piers on the southern side of the house and replace the guttering. I’l check for dry rot and—’ his lips twisted ‘—not-so-dry rot. I’l modernise the bathroom and give the whole place a lick of paint, inside and out.’

  Her eyes widened as his list grew. Whatever he saw in her face made him leap to his feet and stalk over to the window, hands shoved deep into his pockets.

  She moistened her lips. ‘It sounds as if I’m getting the better end of that deal.’

  ‘Financial y you’d be better off if you stayed on the books at Hal am Enterprises, took the maternity leave you’d be entitled to, and paid a builder to leave you’d be entitled to, and paid a builder to make the repairs.’

  She needed a job and she needed the house ready for when the baby came. Alex was offering her both in one fel swoop. He didn’t want to be a father, but he didn’t want to leave her in the lurch. That much was clear.

  Maybe the truth of the matter was that Alex couldn’t walk away from his child and he just hadn’t realized that yet.

  She remembered the expression on his face when he’d talked about Chad. He had glowed with love, his face soft with it, before the anguish had taken over. He’d wanted a child once.

  She lifted her chin. ‘Wil you help me decorate the nursery?’

  He shuffled his feet, rol ed his shoulders. His lips turned down but his chin didn’t drop. ‘Consider it added to the list.’

  ‘Then, Alex Hal am, we have ourselves a deal.’

  ‘Excel ent!’

  Just for a moment, his smile bathed her in light.

  ‘Ready for breakfast yet?’

  ‘Yes, please.’ Suddenly she found she was ravenous.

  The doctor unwrapped the blood pressure monitor from around her arm. ‘I’m delighted to say you’re as fit as a fiddle.’

  To her left she was aware of Alex sagging in his chair. Relief? She wouldn’t be privy to that particular emotion until after the scan. She gripped her hands together and prayed her il ness hadn’t harmed her baby in any way.

  ‘I’d like you to keep taking it easy for a bit, though.

  Rest when you get tired. You also need to make sure you finish the course of antibiotics.’

  She could practical y see Alex file those instructions away in case he needed to bring them out and wave them under her nose and recite

  ‘doctor’s orders’ at her. It made her feel looked after, cared for, as if someone had her back. It was why she hadn’t kicked up a fuss when he’d accompanied her into the doctor’s consulting room. He’d looked after her so comprehensively these past few days.

  Besides, this was his baby too. He deserved to know if it was healthy and developing normal y.

  ‘Okay, let’s do the scan. Jump up onto the table.’

  The doctor gestured to an examination table.

  Alex leapt to his feet, paled. ‘I’l …um…wait outside.’

  ‘Alex, no!’ Kit grabbed his hand, her stomach twisting and her heart pounding. If the news wasn’t good she didn’t think she could face it on her own.

  His mouth whitened. His shoulders clenched, but he didn’t shake his hand free from her grip. Eventual y he nodded.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. She tried to release his hand, but found that she couldn’t. Final y he smiled, just a slight drawing up on the right side of his mouth, but it helped ease some of the tension that had her wrapped up tight.

  ‘C’mon, Kit, up onto the table.’

  He helped her up onto it, which was just as wel because her legs had turned to putty. He held her hand when the doctor squirted cold gel onto her stomach.

  ‘There’s your baby, Kit.’

  Kit’s gaze shot to the monitor. ‘Is it okay? Did my high temperature—’

  ‘Your baby is perfect.’

  She closed her eyes and sent up a prayer of thanks.

  ‘Everything looks exactly as it should,’ the doctor continued. ‘Your temperature came down very quickly. I can’t envisage any problems. Look, here’s the head…an arm.’

  Her body went loose and light as relief, joy and gratitude al flooded through her. She turned to grin up at Alex, to share he
r joy, but Alex wasn’t looking at her, he was staring at the screen. At the picture of their baby. And just for a moment hunger stretched across his face. It thickened her throat. It made her want to throw her arms around him.

  And then he went pale. Perspiration beaded his forehead, his top lip.

  ‘Would you like to know the sex of your baby?’

  Alex dropped her hand, he backed up and then he bolted from the room. A chil settled over her. She tried to blink the sting from her eyes.

  ‘Kit?’ the doctor queried softly.

  She stared back at the screen and shook her head. ‘I…uh…think I’d like that to be a surprise.’

  He nodded and let her stare at the screen for a bit longer.

  ‘You know what the pregnancy books say, don’t you?’ he final y said.

  It took a force of wil to focus on the doctor’s words rather than the doubts cascading through her mind. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘A woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she’s pregnant. A man becomes a father only when his child is placed in his arms.’

  She moistened her lips. Could he be right?

  Her heart burned. She had a feeling it would take a miracle for Alex to embrace fatherhood again.

  Then she recal ed the hunger that had stretched across his face. Maybe it wasn’t a miracle they needed, just some time?

  She fastened her jeans again, thanked the doctor and left the consulting room to find Alex pacing in the corridor. Without a word, he took her arm and led her corridor. Without a word, he took her arm and led her outside to the car. He opened the passenger door for her, but she didn’t duck inside. She stood her ground until he met her eyes. ‘I’m sorry I put you through that. I’m sorry I asked you to stay when it quite obviously brought back bad memories for you.’

  ‘You have nothing to apologise for, Kit.’ His voice was clipped and short. ‘I’m just glad that your baby is wel .’

  It’s your baby too! she wanted to shout as he walked around to the driver’s side.