The Secretary's Secret Page 5
Alex’s hands clenched as fear punched through him then too. ‘Right.’ No stress, no worry. He could manage that. For Kit. Til Thursday. Or the weekend.
‘I don’t need you to stay with me, Alex,’ Kit said the moment he pul ed his car to a halt out the front of her house and turned off the ignition.
He didn’t blame her for not wanting him there. In her shoes he wouldn’t want him staying over either, but hadn’t she heard a word the doctor said? She needed someone to stay with her, look after her. He wasn’t leaving until someone trustworthy was here to fil his shoes.
‘I’m happy to cal one of your friends or a relative
—perhaps your aunt Doreen—to stay with you, but I’m not leaving you alone, Kit. You heard what the doctor said,’ he added when she opened her mouth to argue.
She closed it again. She looked pale and wrung out, and he grimaced. ‘Look, this is the story, Kit. I’m staying in Tuncurry tonight. Now, whether that’s on one of your new sofas or in a hotel room is up to you.’
‘But—’
‘It’s getting a bit late to be driving back to Sydney, especial y when I’m stil jet-lagged from the Africa trip.’
She rested her head against the back of the seat as if it were too hard to hold it up under her own steam. He wanted to reach out and trace the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek. He clenched his hand. Just get her into bed where she can rest. No stress, no worry.
He swal owed. ‘Kit, how does this sound for a plan? You let me crash on your sofa, just for tonight, and tomorrow we can discuss other arrangements?’
She closed her eyes and then final y she nodded.
‘Okay.’
He had a feeling she’d agree to just about anything at the moment if it meant she could rest.
He discovered that didn’t mean she’d let him carry her into the house, though. He stayed close behind her on the slow trek from the car to the house, in case she needed a hand. They both paused on the threshold. The living room looked like a bombsite, though Frank and Doreen had obviously done their best to sweep the debris into one tidy pile.
Kit picked up a note from the coffee table.
‘Doreen has left us a casserole.’ She started to turn.
‘I should pop over and thank her.’
‘I’l do that. You go to bed.’
She didn’t look at him. She glanced about the room and her shoulders slumped. One of her smal hands inched across her stomach. Alex’s chest burned. She looked so lost and alone. He touched her shoulder, but when she glanced up at him with big worry-fil ed eyes he found himself drawing her into his arms and pressing her head to the hol ow of his shoulder. ‘It’s going to be okay, Kit.’
‘You don’t know that,’ she mumbled, but she didn’t draw away.
He stroked her hair in an effort to reassure her, but found himself revel ing in her softness, in how good she smelt, instead. ‘We’l do everything the doctor says and you and your baby wil be fine.’
She stared up at him then, a frown in her eyes.
‘If the doctor had been real y worried he’d have admitted you to hospital.’
She nodded, but the frown didn’t leave her eyes.
‘What are you stil doing here, Alex?’
‘There are things we need to talk about.’ Maybe honesty would win him a measure of her trust. ‘It doesn’t matter how much I might want to leave, I can’t until we’ve thrashed some things out. But that can wait until later in the week. What’s important at the moment is for you to get better again.’
He hooked an arm under her knees and lifted her into his arms. Carrying her was easier than arguing with her.
Carrying her was divine.
‘Point me in the direction of your bedroom.’
‘Point me in the direction of your bedroom.’
She pointed to the corridor that led off the living room. ‘First door on the right.’
The moment he set foot inside it, he wanted to back out again. This bedroom, with its big wooden bed and plaid quilt in pastel shades piled decadently with cushions, was pure Kit. It reminded him of that night.
He set her down on her bed and then backed up fast, almost fal ing over his feet in his haste. ‘You need to rest—doctor’s orders. Nothing else matters at the moment, Kit. I’l go and serve you up a plate of your aunt’s casserole.’ Even sick, she looked divine.
‘Honorary aunt. Doreen isn’t my real aunt.’
Right.
‘Alex?’
He turned in the doorway.
Her chin lifted as she met his gaze. ‘You’re going to leave us, aren’t you, me and our baby?’
Her bottom lip wobbled as the words whispered out of her. Each word pierced his flesh.
She bit her lip, maybe in an attempt to get it back under control, and then she pursed her mouth. ‘You know, Alex, I can understand you not wanting a future with me. I get that.’
She glanced away, swal owed. Her throat worked.
He wanted to close his eyes.
She turned and her gaze met his again, her eyes dark and shadowed. Confusion and turmoil chased themselves across her face. ‘But how can you turn your back on our baby?’
A weight slammed into place. He must look like a monster in her eyes.
Maybe he was.
He wanted to tel her to rest but the words wouldn’t come.
‘You don’t care what’s best for me. You don’t care what’s best for our baby. Al you care about is what’s best for you.’
She spoke almost as if to herself and her words chil ed him. He wanted to tel her she was wrong, but…
He shook himself. ‘Kit, I’m not abandoning you. I wil be staying until the weekend.’
Her lips twisted. ‘What good do you think that wil do anyone?’
He didn’t know how to answer.
She shifted slightly, her eyes suddenly glittering.
‘You know what? It might just be simpler if I make you a lump sum payment.’
‘What the hel …?’
‘For the donation of your sperm. That way, everyone knows exactly where they stand. There’l be no misunderstandings.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I’m sure you can get those fancy lawyers of yours to draft something up.’
Horror wel ed through him. She couldn’t be serious! He—
No stress, no worry.
He clenched his hands to fists, drew in a ragged breath and swal owed back the denial that shot through him. Her eyelids had started to grow heavy.
A sheen of perspiration filmed her face. She continued to glare at him with her chin hitched up like a warrior’s, but he knew a discussion like this couldn’t be good for her. ‘Rest now, Kit. We’l talk later.’
Not that there was much more to say, he realized, his mouth growing sour with the knowledge. He turned away and headed for the kitchen. Food and making sure Kit rested—he’d focus on what he could do.
An hour later, Alex found himself on Frank and Doreen’s front veranda, hand raised to knock on their door. He’d made a deal with Kit—she’d try to sleep and he’d come over and thank Frank and Doreen.
He shifted his feet, scowled at the ground and knocked.
‘Lovey!’ Doreen appeared. ‘C’mon in.’
He shook his head and fought the urge to fidget. ‘I don’t want to leave Kit for too long in case she needs me. I just—’
‘Frank! It’s Kit’s young man, Alex.’
Alex gritted his teeth.
‘Come in and have a beer, young man,’ Frank offered.
Again, Alex shook his head. ‘The doctor has diagnosed Kit with a kidney infection. She should be fine but he’s ordered bed rest for the next few days. I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.’
Both Frank and Doreen nodded sagely, as if this made perfect sense. As far as Alex was concerned, the longer he remained in Tuncurry, the less sense anything made.
‘Kit wanted me to come over and thank you.’ He suddenly realized how grudging that sounded, as if he hadn’t apprec
iated what they’d done—their attempts to tidy up, the casserole. ‘I mean we wanted to thank you.’ But he and Kit, they weren’t a we and he didn’t want to give the wrong impression.
‘Just…’ He gave up. ‘Thank you. It was thoughtful of you.’
Frank eyed him. ‘You’re a city boy, right, Alex?’
When Alex didn’t say anything he added, ‘You’l find we’re more community-minded out here.’
Community? It took an effort to stop his lips from twisting. From where he was standing, that just meant Kit would probably get stuck with looking after Frank and Doreen in a few years’ time when they both started losing their faculties.
Stil , they had checked up on her today and that had been a nice thing to do. And they’d made sure she had food.
Both Frank and Doreen looked at him expectantly.
He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to know Kit has such good neighbours.’
‘No doubt we’l al get better acquainted now you’re here, lad.’
Alex took a step back. No way! The expectation, the cosy familiarity, the good-spiritedness, it wrapped around him, threatening to suffocate him, to bury him. He took another step back. ‘I…uh…should get back to Kit. Goodnight.’
He turned and fled.
There wasn’t any comfort in returning to Kit’s house, though. He glared at the hole in her wal and then threw himself down on the nearest sofa. White dust rose up al around him.
His curse ground out from between gritted teeth.
He couldn’t bolt and leave Kit’s living room looking like a demolition site.
If the child she was carrying was his…
He leapt up and stomped off to find a broom, a bucket and some cleaning cloths. Tonight he’d be sleeping on plastic because he wasn’t taking the wrapping off the sofas until he’d had a chance to vacuum, and he wasn’t vacuuming tonight. It’d wake Kit and she needed to rest.
Alex checked on Kit again at midnight. She’d taken her antibiotics, she’d eaten some dinner and then she’d slept. So far, so good. She needed to get wel .
He wanted her to get wel as soon as possible.
So you can leave?
He tried not to scowl.
From the light of the hal way he caught sight of the title of the book on her bedside table— What To Expect When You’re Expecting. He picked it up and tiptoed back out into the living room. Lowering himself to the sofa that would be his bed for the night, he turned to the page she had bookmarked.
And froze.
Everything went blank.
The bookmark—it was an ultrasound photograph of Kit’s child.
Of his child.
He snapped the book shut and rested his head in his hands. A baby. A child.
He lifted his head, darkness surging up to fil the empty places inside him. He wasn’t doing that again.
He couldn’t.
You don’t care what’s best for our baby. All you care about is what’s best for you.
Kit didn’t understand. Him getting out of her and the baby’s lives—that would be best for her and the baby.
And for you too.
He nodded heavily. And for him too. It didn’t stop a part of him from feeling as if it were dying, though.
When he final y fel asleep that night, Alex had a nightmare about Chad. He raced through a darkened mansion, his legs wooden and heavy, his heart pounding faster and faster as he searched for the two-year-old. Chad’s laughter, always just out of reach, taunted him and spurred him on. The rooms in the mansion went on and on. He tried cal ing out Chad’s name but his voice wouldn’t work. His legs grew heavier and heavier. It took al his energy to push forward. He pul ed open the final door, surged through it, to find himself plummeting off the edge of a cliff.
He woke before he slammed into the jagged rocks at the bottom, breathing hard and with Chad’s name on his lips. He lay in the dark and tried to catch his breath, his skin damp and clammy with perspiration. He tried tel ing himself Chad was safe, living somewhere in Buenos Aires with his mother, but that didn’t ease the darkness that stole through his soul.
Before he and Kit had made love, he hadn’t had a nightmare about Chad in over ten months.
He shoved the thought away. It wasn’t Kit’s fault she made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was his fault for giving in to temptation. Biting back a groan, he pushed up into a sitting position.
Past experience told him he would get no more sleep tonight. He dragged a hand down his face.
That was okay. There was stil plenty of cleaning to do.
A sharp rap on the front door just after nine o’clock had Alex fal ing over his feet to answer it before the noise of another knock could wake Kit.
The woman who stood on the other side raked him up and down with bold, unimpressed eyes. ‘I’m Caro,’ she said without preamble. ‘Kit’s best friend.’
She didn’t stick her hand out. ‘Doreen rang me. I take it you’re Alex?’
‘That’s right.’
She folded her arms. ‘I’ve heard al about you.’
He gathered none of it had been complimentary.
‘How’s Kit?’
‘Asleep,’ he ground out.
‘Al night?’
‘She was up—’
She brushed past him into the living room. ‘She’s not supposed to be up!’
He clenched his jaw til he thought his teeth might snap. He unclenched it to say, ‘The doctor said she was al owed up to have a quick shower once a day.’
He felt like a schoolboy hauled up in front of the principal. ‘She had breakfast, took her antibiotics and now she’s sleeping again.’
‘You’d better tel me you prepared her breakfast.’
Who the hel did this woman think she was? He was tempted to shove her back out of the door again. ‘Look, I’m worried about her too. I mean to make sure she fol ows the doctor’s orders to the letter.’
‘I’m going to pop my head in to check on her.’
‘Don’t wake her,’ he growled.
She tossed him a withering glance before disappearing down the hal way that led to Kit’s bedroom.
He scowled after her. She had another thing coming if she thought he was offering her coffee.
Darn it! She was Kit’s friend. He stalked into the kitchen and put the jug on to boil.
Caro entered moments later. ‘You and me—’ she pointed to him ‘—outside, now.’
He blinked. ‘Are you cal ing me out for a fight? I’ve got to warn you, Caro, I don’t hit women.’
She smiled sweetly. ‘It should be a walkover then, shouldn’t it?’ She glared and held the back door open. ‘I want to talk to you and I don’t want to disturb Kit while I’m doing it.’
And she was itching to bawl him out. It didn’t take a degree in economics and a finely honed ability to read people to figure that one out. He decided it might be safer if Caro didn’t have a hot drink in her hand. He preceded her out of the door and into the back garden. Kit’s bedroom faced the street. They shouldn’t disturb her out here.
‘How long before you shoot through again?’
Again? What did she mean, again?
He rol ed his shoulders and scowled. If he’d known Kit was pregnant he wouldn’t have left for Africa when he had. He’d have… delayed it for a week? a sarcastic voice muttered in his head.
He thrust out his jaw, folded his arms. ‘I’m not leaving today. I told Kit I’d be here for her and I wil be. There are things we need to sort out.’
Caro folded her arms too. ‘You can forget it if you mean to offer her money.’
‘This is none of your damn business.’
‘Kit is my best friend. I love her. Can you say the same?’
For a moment he couldn’t utter a single word. The same suffocating shroud that had blanketed him at Frank and Doreen’s last night twisted about him now.
‘Exactly what I thought,’ she snorted. ‘You’re going to turn tail and run.’
She stuck out a hip. ‘You’re a right piece of work, aren’t you?’
His jaw dropped.
His jaw dropped.
The next moment Caro’s face was wreathed in smiles. ‘Hey, honey-bun, you’re supposed to be in bed.’
He turned to find Kit in the doorway. She raised an eyebrow in his direction. ‘You’re stil here.’
Had she thought he’d do a runner while she was asleep? He straightened. That was exactly what she’d thought. He forced himself to grin—no stress, the doctor had said. ‘Sure I’m stil here.’ She was stil convinced he meant to abandon her.
Isn’t that exactly what you mean to do?
He bit back an expletive. He wasn’t doing happy families, but he thought about that hole in her wal .
Someone had to fix it. He could fix it.
He could make sure Kit had everything she needed and that she was ready for the baby before he sailed off into the sunset.
Kit glanced from Caro to him. He did al he could to keep his expression bland. He tried not to groan when she moistened her lips.
‘What’s going on out here?’
‘Caro and I were just having a chat.’ He would not upset her. ‘You know the doctor’s orders. You want me to carry you back to bed?’
‘I’m going, I’m going. May I have a chamomile tea?’
‘Coming right up.’
Kit disappeared. Caro grabbed his arm before he reached the back door. ‘You mess with my friend and I’l come after you with a meat cleaver.’
He held the door open for her, bowed her inside.
‘Chamomile tea for you too?’
‘Ooh, lovely.’
She’d pay for that smile. He’d sweeten her tea to within an inch of its life.
But one thing had become increasingly clear—
he’d come after himself with a meat cleaver if he hurt Kit any more than he already had.