The Nanny Who Saved Christmas Page 17

  Her mother had noticed? Tears pricked the back of her eyes. ‘I’m fine, Mum.’

  ‘I know, but I can’t help worrying about you.’

  The doorbell rang.

  ‘That’ll be your cab. Put on your shoes and powder your nose one last time while I answer the door.’

  Nicola did as her mother bid. She stared in the mirror, pressed the powder puff to her nose...then she put it away and hitched up her chin. Falling in love with Cade was unfortunate, yes, but not insurmountable. At least, she hoped not. Eventually his memory would fade. When it did she would date again. One thing was for sure, though—she didn’t regret turning down his offer of marriage. Not for a moment. Not even in a weak moment.

  She collected her clutch and wrap and with a deep breath headed for the living room.

  ‘Nicola, this gentleman says he knows you. He claims he’s your date for the evening.’

  Nicola glanced up as she walked into the living room, to find Cade’s bulk framed in the doorway. Wind rushed past her ears, drowning out the rest of her mother’s words. She reached out a hand to steady herself on the back of a chair. Cade stood there—in her living room in Melbourne—dressed in a tuxedo, and all she could do was stare...and stare...and stare some more. She blinked but he didn’t disappear. She gripped the back of the chair more tightly to prevent herself from doing something stupid like racing over to him and hurling herself into his arms.

  He shrugged. He didn’t smile. ‘We had a deal. Did you think I’d forget?’

  * * *

  Cade suspected he might be about to make the biggest fool of himself, but he wasn’t sure he cared. Not when it meant seeing Nicola in the flesh and drawing her unique strawberry jam scent into his lungs. He stared at her and something inside him that had stopped and seized the day her plane had taken off from Waminda, started to unfurl, to relax...to tick with anticipation.

  He ached to take the three strides that would bring him right up against her, wrap an arm around her waist and pull her hard up against him and kiss her until neither one of them could think.

  But she deserved a whole lot more finesse than that. Besides, it might help slake the need pounding through him, but it was her need that counted.

  She stared at him with those amazing eyes, but she didn’t smile. Her tongue snaked out to moisten her lips. ‘I...um...’

  She had! She’d thought he’d forgotten their deal. It took an effort of will not to rock back on his heels. He resisted the urge to run a finger around the collar of his shirt as it tightened about his throat. ‘Did you organise another date?’ His voice scraped out of his throat, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t modulate it. He tried to swallow.

  Was someone else taking his Cinderella to the ball? His hands clenched about the bunch of flowers he held. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if she said yes.

  The older woman who’d answered the door nudged Nicola. ‘Darling?’

  Nicola jumped. Colour flooded her cheeks. ‘I really didn’t think you’d... I mean, I never really thought that you were serious.’

  Of course she hadn’t. She thought him a lowlife—the kind of man who’d propose a loveless marriage. He had done that and it did make him a lowlife. His hands clenched tightly. If he was lucky he might be able to redeem himself a little this evening. The stems of the flowers dug into his hands.

  ‘You...’ Her voice trembled. She swallowed. ‘You never mentioned it again.’

  ‘I always keep my word.’

  ‘How...’ Her tongue moistened her lips and need clenched through him. ‘How did you know when it was on?’

  ‘You told Ella. You showed her your dress.’ He wondered if he would ever be able to unclench his hand from around the flowers. ‘In one of your Skype sessions. I listened in to them all.’

  ‘You never once said hello.’

  He could see now what a mistake that had been.

  Her hands twisted together. ‘I wish you hadn’t gone to so much trouble.’

  It was all he could do to keep his voice steady. ‘No trouble at all.’ She was going to shaft him! She was going to tell him she had another date, and that he’d wasted his time. She was going to tell him to go home.

  With every second that passed the atmosphere grew tenser. The older woman stepped forward to take the flowers. Probably before he could strangle them completely. She had to almost prise them from his hand. She glanced at Nicola and cleared her throat delicately.

  Nicola jumped again. ‘Mum, this is Cade Hindmarsh, the owner of Waminda Downs station where I was nanny during the Christmas break. Cade, this is my mother, Angela McGillroy.’

  Nicola’s mother? She was nothing like he’d imagined. He did his best not to stare. ‘Pleased to meet you.’

  ‘Charmed,’ she returned but her eyes narrowed. ‘Do you want to attend the wedding with this man, Nicola, or would you like me to send him packing?’

  He might be twice her size but he didn’t doubt her ability to dispatch him with ruthless efficiency if she so chose.

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘Nicola?’ If she’d truly prefer to attend the wedding on her own, or if she had another date, he’d leave. He planted his feet and lifted his chin. But he’d be back here first thing tomorrow morning. They had to talk.

  His lips twisted. No, correction—he had to beg. His gut tightened. Hopefully, Nicola would listen. It’d be more than he deserved, he knew that, but he had to give it a go.

  Still, scowling and pressing her weren’t fair. He made himself smile and for a moment that wasn’t hard because it was so damn good to see her. ‘It’s great to see you, Nicola. You look...fabulous.’ He hoped his eyes conveyed just how fabulous he found her. ‘And if you don’t have another date I would be honoured to attend the wedding with you.’

  She smiled back and just like that the ground beneath his feet shifted. ‘Thank you, Cade, that would be lovely.’

  The tightness in his chest eased when he realised he’d just won round one. As he led her to his hired car he reminded himself that this evening was about her. He meant to make this night special for her, his own impatience be damned. It was the least he could do. Nicola deserved the best and tonight he meant to give that to her. Or die trying.

  Only then would he have the right to ask for her hand in marriage. And if he made it that far, this time he had every intention of doing it right.

  * * *

  For Cade, nothing was too much trouble. He anticipated Nicola’s every want, he charmed her friends and he made all the right comments about the bride’s dress, the bridesmaids, the speeches and the food served at the reception. He even kept his thoughts about the bridegroom to himself. Though, hell... His lip curled. Nicola could do a hundred times better than that colourless prat.

  She can do a hundred times better than you too.

  Nicola smiled and chatted. She sighed her way through the service before asking if they could give another couple a ride to the reception. She seemed to genuinely enjoy herself and none of that enjoyment seemed forced. The service and the reception didn’t appear to give her pain or make her feel awkward. He kept an eagle eye out for either, ready to do whatever he could to help, to boost her confidence, but...

  She didn’t need it.

  Her grace and poise impressed him. It also made him feel at a loss. He knew exactly how to fluster her. All it would take would be a sly caress to her arm and a scorching survey of her lips and—

  This is about her, not you
!

  He refreshed her glass of champagne and, for what felt like the first time that evening, found himself alone with her. ‘Is it the ordeal you thought it would be?’

  She sipped her champagne and then shook her head. ‘No, it’s been kind of nice and a lot of fun.’

  She hadn’t needed him at all. His heart burned at that realisation. ‘Would you like to dance?’

  Slowly she shook her head. ‘I think I’d rather just chat.’

  He ached to hold her in his arms, but wasn’t sure of his own strength on that score. He gritted his teeth. Chatting would be good. He held her chair out for her. She sat and he planted himself in the seat beside her. ‘Your mother isn’t anything like I imagined.’

  Her eyes lit up and she leaned towards him, swamping him with the sweetness of her scent. ‘We had the most amazing discussion when I got home from Waminda.’

  ‘Tell me,’ he urged.

  They talked for three straight hours. Cade couldn’t believe it was time to take her home.

  He tucked her into the car and then slid in behind the wheel. ‘The night is yet young. Would you like to go to a bar or a club? We could go for a drink or go dancing or—’

  ‘Why?’

  The single question pulled him to a halt. He met her gaze. His heart pounded. ‘There’s quite a long answer to that.’

  She stared at him for several long moments and he didn’t kid himself that the outcome of those moments would not seal his fate. They would. He held his breath while his chest cramped.

  ‘A walk along the Southbank would be nice. We could grab a coffee, maybe.’

  He lifted her hand from her lap and brushed his lips across the backs of her fingers. ‘Thank you.’

  * * *

  Nicola’s heart thudded against her ribs as she and Cade walked beside the river, the Southbank foreshore bright with lights, Saturday night revelry and Melbourne’s bright young things. It was vibrant, zesty and normally she loved it.

  Tonight, though, she couldn’t focus on it. Tonight, all her attention was on the man who walked beside her with a stern expression on his face and a contrasting warmth in his eyes. He didn’t try to take her hand or touch her in any way. She did all she could to combat a growing sense of disappointment.

  It was for the best. She knew it was for the best. Her body, however, refused to believe it, found no consolation in common sense.

  And, God forgive her, but she couldn’t help but lap up every exquisite minute she spent in his company. She closed her eyes and savoured the sound of his voice. She drank in the familiar way he held his head, the breadth of his shoulders and the long masculine stride he adjusted to her shorter ones. The smiles he sent her.

  And the warmth in his eyes.

  She stowed them all away deep in her heart to take out and cherish later, because she didn’t fool herself. Tomorrow he would be gone and in all likelihood she would never see him again. The thought made her heartbeat pound in her ears and pain throb in her chest. She pushed it away. Tomorrow—she’d deal with it tomorrow.

  She didn’t urge him to talk. The sooner he’d said whatever it was he needed to say, the sooner he’d take her home and this strange, exhilarating, bittersweet night would end. She didn’t take his arm and lead him into one of the restaurants or cafés that lined the riverside either. She didn’t want to share him with the crowds, the light or the laughter.

  Her heart gave a giant surge when he took her hand and led her to a bench that overlooked the river. For a moment she thought he was going to keep a hold of her, but then he let go.

  She sat and stared out at the river to hide her disappointment. Those blue eyes of his had always seen too much.

  ‘There’s a lot I want to say, Nicola.’

  She counted to three and when she was sure of herself, she looked up. She wished her eyes were half as perceptive as his. She’d give anything to know what he was thinking. She remembered the way he’d held her when she’d cried, the way he’d fed her chocolate sultanas and the way they’d laughed and laughed on the veranda that night, and she nodded. ‘We have all night, Cade. There’s nowhere else I need to be.’

  ‘Good.’ He nodded, and then sat. He rested his elbows on his knees, hands lightly clasped in front of him and lips pursed as he stared out at the dark river. Then he straightened again and met her gaze. ‘First, I want to apologise to you for that appalling proposal of marriage. I didn’t see at the time what an insult it was. I do now and I want you to know I am truly and deeply sorry.’

  ‘That’s okay.’ It was an automatic response, but she didn’t doubt his sincerity.

  ‘It wasn’t okay.’ He shook his head, but then his lips tilted a fraction. ‘That said, I’m still hoping you’ll forgive me.’ His eyes glittered in the half dark. ‘You deserve so much more than that half-baked scheme I offered. You deserve a man who worships the very ground you walk on.’

  Her breath caught at the force of his words. And then her heart started to burn. Cade was never going to be that man, was he?

  She swallowed back a lump. ‘I accept your apology, Cade. All’s forgiven. You panicked, that’s all.’

  She suddenly wanted away from here, away from this man who would never love her the way she wanted him to love her. The sweetness of their meeting could no longer counter its bitterness. She shot to her feet, but then didn’t know what to do. She took a couple of steps forward to stare down at the water.

  ‘I’ve missed you, Nicola.’

  She dragged in a breath. She folded her arms and turned back. ‘I’ve missed all of you too.’

  His eyes didn’t waver as he rose and joined her. ‘Yes—Ella, Holly, Harry and Jack all miss you as well. But I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about me. I miss you.’

  Her mouth went dry. She couldn’t speak.

  ‘And yes, I miss seeing you with the girls. I miss watching you tickle Holly until she’s laughing uncontrollably, and I miss the way you and Ella have the most serious conversations and then Ella jumps up smiling as if you’ve given her the secret of the universe. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss those things. They’re not what I miss the most, though.’

  They weren’t? Her heartbeat drummed out a tattoo she thought anyone within a ten-metre radius must hear.

  ‘I miss the scent of strawberry jam in my days. I miss watching you walk across a room where I can admire the very shape of you.’

  Heat flared in her cheeks.

  ‘I miss the shape of your mouth. I miss the taste of you.’

  ‘Oh!’ She pressed her hands to her cheeks in an effort to cool them.

  He shrugged and sent her a sheepish grin. ‘What can I say? I’m a guy. It’s how I’m wired.’ He took her hands. ‘But even those aren’t the things I miss the most. I miss...’ He stilled. ‘I miss talking with you—proper, honest talking with no game playing. I miss laughing with you until my sides hurt. I miss someone noticing the minute I walk into a room.’

  His hands tightened around hers. ‘I miss someone sensing when something is troubling me. I miss sensing that about you. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you eye chocolate sultanas as if they’re the devil’s own food and the way you eat them as if they’re manna from heaven. I miss the way you lift your face to the sky when you’re cantering on Scarlett. I miss the way you stare up at a night sky as if it’s the most magical thing you’ve ever seen. More than anything, I miss your smile. I really miss your smile.’

  She stared at him. Sh
e couldn’t say a word as she tried to process his words and what they meant. He missed her, but that didn’t mean...

  He led her back to the bench. She collapsed onto it, her shaky knees grateful for the respite. Cade didn’t sit. He paced up and down in front of her.

  ‘It took me a long time to find an answer to your question.’

  ‘Which one?’ she croaked.

  ‘The one about Fran...and what I’d do if she came back and wanted to start over.’

  She leaned back although every atom of her being strained towards him. ‘And?’

  ‘I’d welcome her back into the girls’ lives because she’s their mother.’

  Nicola nodded. That had always gone without saying.

  He frowned and paced harder. ‘And then I got all caught up on whether I would choose Fran for the girls—Fran, who has proven herself unreliable—or a woman who I trusted and respected and who I believed wouldn’t let the girls down.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And then I realised that was wrong thinking. I’d welcome Fran back into Ella and Holly’s lives.’ He stopped pacing. He stopped right in front of her. ‘But I wouldn’t welcome her back into my life. You were right, Nicola, when you said you deserved better than what I’d offered, that you deserved love and friendship. It hit me then that I deserved those things too. And they’re not something I can ever find with Fran.’

  Her jaw dropped. Her heart thumped. He looked as if...as if... ‘I didn’t think you believed in love any more—a fairy tale, isn’t that what you called it?’

  ‘It’s what I wanted to believe—to protect myself from being hurt again.’ He drew her to her feet. ‘But then a no-nonsense nanny with killer curves and a smile that practically knocked me off my feet swept into my life and made me feel alive again...made me feel things I never had before and I...’

  A smile started up in the depths of her. ‘Panicked?’ she offered.